It Cometh Not
It is, at the present time, 12:22am. Sleep is eluding me once again. I've been on the computer for the past half hour, because I was informed that staring at a screne is supposed to make people tired. Doesn't seem to work for me.
So here I am, writing this rather pathetic post. Truth be told, I'd forgotten I even had a blog, which is why I'd be surprised if anyone actually reads this. So I am potentially writing to a non-existent audience - a rather interesting concept, because it means that I could write my deepest thoughts and no one would read them. As amusing as that sounds, I don't think I'll take it that far. Instead, I'll explore another topic ... saying a bit more that I normally would.
Everyone who knows me knows I am an introvert. I rarely tell people anything of real consquence about me, and those people whom I do choose to enlighten are few and far between. I'd wager a bet, however, that many people would claim to know me well and claim to be on that list of people. That's mostly my fault, though, so one shouldn't suppose that they are to blaim for assuming that. I have a habit of allowing people to see only the outside layers of me yet, at the same time, making them believe that they have seen much more and delved much deeper than they really have.
Why? Why do I trust so few people? Everyone has secrets, but isn't that a little extreme? Perhaps it is. If asked to give a reason why I am like this I'd simple shrug and wave it aside. The truth is, I honestly don't know why. It can be attributed to any number of reasons and is probably the result of a million different things. And as enlightening as it would be to explore those reasons, I don't think they'd be of much use.
At this point, it has become second nature for me to act this way. To carefully guard my deeper thoughts and feelings, yet at the same time, not make it appear that way. It has become so strong, in fact, that it becomes more and more of an effort to open up to people ... even to those people who are on the list mentioned above.
How do I choose who gets to be on the list or not? The answer may sound rather conceited, and it probably is, but I'll go ahead and say it anyways. Those few people who are on the list have proven themselves worthy of knowing me. I've made sure that those people whom I open up to deserve to know me. Conceited, I know. Arrogant, yes. But the truth.
It is now 1:08am. I believe my body is finally ready to surrender to that blissful state of oblivion.
So here I am, writing this rather pathetic post. Truth be told, I'd forgotten I even had a blog, which is why I'd be surprised if anyone actually reads this. So I am potentially writing to a non-existent audience - a rather interesting concept, because it means that I could write my deepest thoughts and no one would read them. As amusing as that sounds, I don't think I'll take it that far. Instead, I'll explore another topic ... saying a bit more that I normally would.
Everyone who knows me knows I am an introvert. I rarely tell people anything of real consquence about me, and those people whom I do choose to enlighten are few and far between. I'd wager a bet, however, that many people would claim to know me well and claim to be on that list of people. That's mostly my fault, though, so one shouldn't suppose that they are to blaim for assuming that. I have a habit of allowing people to see only the outside layers of me yet, at the same time, making them believe that they have seen much more and delved much deeper than they really have.
Why? Why do I trust so few people? Everyone has secrets, but isn't that a little extreme? Perhaps it is. If asked to give a reason why I am like this I'd simple shrug and wave it aside. The truth is, I honestly don't know why. It can be attributed to any number of reasons and is probably the result of a million different things. And as enlightening as it would be to explore those reasons, I don't think they'd be of much use.
At this point, it has become second nature for me to act this way. To carefully guard my deeper thoughts and feelings, yet at the same time, not make it appear that way. It has become so strong, in fact, that it becomes more and more of an effort to open up to people ... even to those people who are on the list mentioned above.
How do I choose who gets to be on the list or not? The answer may sound rather conceited, and it probably is, but I'll go ahead and say it anyways. Those few people who are on the list have proven themselves worthy of knowing me. I've made sure that those people whom I open up to deserve to know me. Conceited, I know. Arrogant, yes. But the truth.
It is now 1:08am. I believe my body is finally ready to surrender to that blissful state of oblivion.
posted by Shannon | 12:24 AM
2 Comments:
i read your blog too... i'm an introvert. i don't have many friends here but i suppose that's my own fault. hope you slept well...
I read your blog, and am also an introvert.
♥
J
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